What is conflicted feeding behavior
Conflicted feeding behavior is an on-off, on-off, disjointed feeding pattern where it appears as if the baby can’t decide whether she wants to eat or not. Around 80 percent of feeding-averse babies display conflicted feeding behavior. The distress they display while feeding is often assumed to be because of pain. However, in most cases, the baby is not experiencing pain, rather, she or he is distressed in anticipation of being pressured or forced to feed. When parents stop pressuring their baby to accept the nipple or continue eating after she indicated she wants to stop, the distress their baby displays gradually fades withing a matter of days. However, it’s common for feeding-averse babies to continue to show conflicted feeding behavior even after all pressure has been removed.
How to respond when baby displays conflicted feeding behavior
There are two ways you could respond to baby’s conflicted feeding behavior.
Option 1
You could return the bottle each time she turns away but is willing to accept it back again, until she decides she no longer wants to continue eating, and hope that she eventually stops feeding in this disjointed manner on her own accord. It’s possible, but not guaranteed to happen. More often than not, I find returning the bottle time and time again encourages this behavior to continue. Two weeks into the program, a time that it’s expected that baby would either be over or close to being over her feeding aversion, she’s still displaying conflicted feeding behavior. She’s no longer distressed at feeding times but not relaxed either. Behavioral feeding ratings during the day are mostly 3 out of 5. Plus, the baby’s total daily milk intake is not as good as it could be. It’s like she is only partially over her feeding aversion.
Option 2
The second option, and the one I recommend, is that as soon as you recognize that baby is displaying conflicted feeding behavior, you remove the bottle and go for a break or end the feed. By removing the bottle, you will no longer reinforce this behavior. Past feeding experiences may have taught baby that you will return the bottle each time she turns away. So initially she will be expecting you to do the same. Consistency is the key to baby learning that you will now respond differently. If you are inconsistent and remove the bottle only some of the times that she shows conflicted behavior, it will likely confuse her. Provided you’re consistent, baby will quickly learn if she turns her head away, the bottle will disappear. Once she recognizes how you will respond when she turns away, she will then only turn her head away when she wants you to remove the bottle. Until such time that she recognizes your new behavior of removing the bottle and make the connection between turning her head and the loss of the bottle, which could take one or more days of consistency, expect that she will be upset when you take the bottle away and take her out of a feeding position. You may need to soothe her after removing the bottle with a pacifier, cuddles or entertainment. She only needs to wait for 5 minutes until the second offer, or if it was the second offer, then an hour until she is offered the next feed, if demanding a feed at that time. She’s not going to starve while she waits for these short periods of time. You would need to expect that removing the bottle would very likely result in smaller but more frequent feeds in the short term, but it won’t make a significant difference to her total daily milk intake. As baby learns that the bottle will disappear when she turns away, the frequency that she displays conflicted behavior will decrease and eventually disappear, and the volume of milk she takes per feed increase accordingly. Please note, my recommendation to remove the bottle to avoid reinforcing conflicted behavior applies to conflicted behavior only. There are other reasons for babies to display an on-off, on-off feeding behavior that don’t mean a baby is conflicted about feeding.
Behaviors often mistaken as conflicted feeding behavior and how to respond
Not all disjointed feeding behavior is because a baby is conflicted between wanting to eat and wanting to avoid the stress associated with eating. There are a number of other reasons for babies to display on-off, on-off feeding behavior, such as pausing, the bottle or nipple not venting correctly, practicing new skills, distraction, and playfulness.
Baby pausing
It’s normal behavior for babies to pause multiple times while feeding. Baby may or may not keep the nipple in her mouth when pausing. If baby pauses while feeding, allow her to continue eating, but don’t try to hurry her to continue. As she matures and builds strength in her facial muscles, she will feed faster and pause less often.
Venting problem
If baby is turning her head to release suction due to a venting problem, allow her to continue feeding for as long as she is willing. Next time she signals that she wants a break, try loosening the nipple ring a little to see if this corrects the venting problem. Also visit the manufacturer’s website to make sure that you’re assembling the equipment correctly.
Baby practicing new skills
If baby is practicing new skills while feeding, allow her to continue while she remains interested in eating. In a few days the novelty will wear off and she will stop this behavior. However, expect that at some point she will practice other new skills while feeding, like trying to sit up. If it appears like baby is more intent on practicing new skills than she is in eating, it could be that she’s not hungry at the time. If this is the case, go for a 20-minute break and see if she’s more inclined to want to eat at the second offer.
Baby is distracted
If baby is repeatedly distracted when feeding in a new environment or because of something occurring in her immediate surroundings, first try feeding her in a familiar, quiet, low-stimulating environment. Also try speaking to her or singing to her, or hand her a toy to hold to see if this helps her to remain focused on feeding or distract her further. If she remains focused, continue the feed. If it appears impossible to prevent her from being distracted, it may be that she is not particularly hungry at the time. Remove the bottle, go for a 20 minute break, and then offer a second time. If at that point she rejects or continues to repeatedly turn away due to distraction, end the feed.
Playfulness
It’s normal behavior for babies to be playful or fidget while feeding. As a baby matures and develops new skills, she will display many different behaviors while feeding that she has never done before, some of these behaviors will disrupt the feed and may result in a broken feeding pattern.
Here is a list of normal behaviors that babies might display while feeding.
- pounding or bouncing her legs
- grabbing a foot
- stretching arms or legs
- pulling her hair or ears
- grabbing your finger or hand holding the bottle and pulling it back and forth
- babbling or making a humming sound
- blowing raspberries
- staring or smiling at you
- trying to suck her thumb or fingers while the nipple is still in her mouth
- doing tummy crunches or trying to sit up
- turning to look around the room
While these behaviors don’t mean baby is conflicted about eating, the fact that she appears to be more interested in playing than eating probably means she’s not hungry at this time. Go for a 20-minute break and offer again. If she’s not interested in eating when offered the second time, end the feed.
General guide for non-conflicted behaviors
The most obvious point of difference between non-conflicted reasons for a broken feeding pattern and conflicted behavior is that these babies are relaxed. Whereas babies displaying conflicted feeding behavior are generally tense. Some babies will cry and some won’t when they are conflicted about feeding. If baby appears to be tense or if she’s crying while feeding in an on-off, on-off pattern, I recommend that you respond as if it’s conflicted behavior by removing the bottle, taking baby out of a feeding position, and going for a break or ending the feed.
NOTE: This article is for parents following Rowena's feeding aversion program found in 'Your Baby's Bottle-Feeding Aversion'. You can purchase your copy below.
Written by Rowena Bennett.
